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Practical Mental Strength Building for All

Throughout life, we encounter stress-inducing scenarios such as job interviews, exams, and relationship tensions. In these moments, intense emotions like fear and self-doubt often surface, impacting our ability to perform optimally. While elite athletes, top CEOs, and global leaders are renowned for managing these emotions to excel in their fields, what about us? Is this a skill to be developed or something they were born with?

I was recently quite struck by a few comments by tennis legend Novak Djokovic when he was being interviewed on 60 Minutes. I recommend you watch it!

Here’s what happened:

Interviewer: "Your mental strength is a gift..."
Djokovic: "No. Stop. I will have to correct you! My mental strength is not a gift. It is only something that comes with hard work!"

As you can see, Djokovic firmly rejects the idea that mental strength is something that he was born with. Quite the opposite: He adamantly claims that a person can develop it intentionally, through hard work. He even summed up the benefits of this practice in this way:

I just feel that there is always, I guess, an extra gear that you have inside of you and you can find when you dig deep to handle and manage energy levels, on and off the court…if you’re really devoted to that and if you care about it, if you pay attention to that mental aspect as much as physical, of course.

What is Mental Strength?

Mental strength is the ability to maintain a positive mindset and emotional balance in the face of adversity. This produces better performance in sports, business, or life challenges. Note that mental strength isn't about avoiding stress or challenges but rather it is about developing the capacity to effectively cope with and overcome them.

A way to look at developing mental strength is by considering four interrelated areas, as shown in the diagram below.

These functional areas create a self-stabilizing personal system:

• Presence: Being centered in the moment while managing and controlling emotions effectively.

• Resonance: Staying focused on your goal and avoiding having your attention easily diverted.

• Persistence: Dedicating yourself to the principle of never giving up.

• Resilience: Developing the capability to bounce back from setbacks, failures, or difficult circumstances and not remain stuck in negative emotions.

Next, we will delve more into these areas and discuss how to develop skills in them.

Presence

When you maintain presence, you are focused on the moment. Your feelings are calm and your mind is clear. This is your home base, so it is important to know this state so that you can learn to access it as desired.

One method commonly mentioned for developing the ability to stay present is called mindfulness. This pertains to building awareness of what is happening in your mind and how your emotions arise. It's about practicing deliberate attention to your thoughts, feelings, bodily sensations, and surroundings. This practice helps you be fully present and engaged in the current moment without judgment.

Here are some ways to cultivate mindfulness:

• Mindful Breathing: Take a few minutes to focus solely on your breath. Notice the sensation of each inhale and exhale, bringing your attention back whenever your mind wanders.

• Body Scan: Close your eyes and mentally scan your body from head to toe, noticing any sensations, tensions, or areas of comfort. This helps you connect with your body's signals.

• Mindful Walking: Take a slow walk, paying attention to each step, the movement of your body, and the sensations in your feet as they touch the ground. Focus on the experience of walking.

• Observing Thoughts: Sit quietly and observe your thoughts as they arise without getting caught up in them. Acknowledge each thought without judgment and let it pass.

• Eating Mindfully: Engage all your senses while eating. Notice the texture, taste, and smell of the food. Be present with each bite, savoring the experience.

• Mindful Listening: Fully engage in a conversation or listen to music without distractions. Focus on what's being said or the different elements of the music.

• Mindful Activities: Engage in daily tasks (like washing dishes or showering) with full awareness of the sensations, movements, and actions involved.

Remember, mindfulness is a skill you build with practice. Start with short sessions and gradually increase the duration. The goal isn't to stop or resist unwanted thoughts but to observe them without attachment or judgment, fostering a sense of presence and calm.

Novak Djokovic credits mindfulness as a big factor in his mental strength training. He explained his dedication to the practice in his book, Serve to Win, where he said,

I do it everyday for about 15 minutes and it is as important to me as my physical training…Instead of trying to silence your mind or find ‘inner peace’, you allow and accept your thoughts as they come…they do bounce around like crazy, but they’re supposed to, your job is to let them come and go.

Djokovic further credited this practice for improving his overall mental functioning, claiming:

I’ve done so much mindfulness that my brain functions better now automatically…I used to freeze up whenever I made a mistake. Now when I blow a serve or shank a backhand I still get those flashes of self-doubt but I know how to handle them.

Resonance

When an individual experiences resonance with a task or goal, it creates a harmonious alignment between their intentions and actions. This alignment generates an internal drive that helps maintain focus, almost like a magnetic force, pulling attention back whenever distractions arise. Resonance in this context acts as a tether, anchoring focus by amplifying the significance of the objective, making it easier to resist diversions and stay on course.

Maintaining resonance requires the ability to remain focused and ignore distractions. Legendary golfer Tiger Woods is also known for his amazing mental strength, and numerous articles have been written about how his father Earl Woods, a former U.S. special forces operator, employed various methods to nurture it. One of those methods was to purposely distract young Tiger while he was putting or hitting a golf shot. This technique helped develop concentration and the ability to ignore distractions. Such concentration can also be developed through practice and meditation.

As an ideal, I recall a legend frequently discussed during my time teaching Shotokan karate—a tale about ikken hissatsu, which is often translated as "one punch, death blow." In today's sparring, opponents move extensively. However, the story narrates a different approach taken by great masters facing each other—absolute stillness. They stood poised, ready to strike, their strength so perfectly matched that a single misstep in concentration could prove fatal. This led them to remain unwaveringly focused on each other, motionless for hours or even a day, awaiting the briefest lapse in their opponent's concentration. Though we are not trying to kill anyone—and we don’t know if the story is even true—it colorfully epitomizes an ideal of concentration, where not a single thought strays from the moment.

Persistence

Persistence is obtained from a commitment to the principle of maintaining a positive outlook and mindset that is focused on opportunities and solutions rather than dwelling on problems. Drawing from elite performers like U.S. Navy Seals, you become persistent by affirming “never give up” an inviolate rule of life. In this way, you are generating confidence and hope so that you will try your best.

For example, I have played golf for close to 20 years, and even recently I was having a bad day on the course when I started thinking “Why do I even play golf?” For a few moments, I felt like not only giving up the round but also the sport. But then I remembered the principle of never giving up and set about doing the best I could. In the end, while it wasn’t the greatest round of golf I ever played, I had a decent outcome.

Not giving up must be committed to as a hard and fast principle. Why? Because you don’t know what the outcome is going to be. It also opens the door for other recovery techniques that are described next.

Resilience

Once an event happens and you are experiencing unwanted emotional states, you need to recover to a place of optimism and calmness as quickly as possible. You affirm your commitment to persistence, and then here are three techniques for managing your feelings:

Returning to being in the moment. As one of my favorite golf quotes goes, “You play the ball from where it lands, not from where you hit it.” This means you must let go of whatever mistakes were made striking the ball and recall a state of presence based on focusing on what action to take based on where the ball lies, whether that is on the fairway, in the woods, or in some mud.

Accepting it. Novak Djokovic offers similar advice and recommends to just accept it and move on. Do not make it worse by beating yourself up about it. He explains,

So what I think is well, probably one of biggest lessons I have learnt about, I guess, mental strength is that, you know if you lose your focus, if you, you know, you're not present, things start to go the wrong way for you, its fine. Accept it and then come back.

Reframing your experience. Rather than measuring the value of the tennis match or golf round based on your desired performance, you can have gratitude that every minute you get to play it is another minute you can practice and improve.

Conclusion

We covered four general areas of developing mental strength, how they work together, and how to practice them. These areas were:

• Developing awareness of your being-present state

• Strengthening your ability to stay focused on your goals amidst distractions

• Committing to the principle of never giving up

• Equipping yourself with recovery methods so that you can be more resilient

These are actions that everyone can practice and get better at. Even a little bit helps!